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Writer's pictureJared Epler

What does singing have to do with self-care & burnout?


What does this video of me singing acapella have to do with self-care & burnout?


My time spent singing taught me one of the greatest lessons I have ever learned. It taught me when and how to breathe.


Let me back up for a second.


For most of my life, I’ve identified as a helper. A helper who doesn’t like to ask anyone for help. I felt like I could do everything on my own, and that I should feel guilty for asking anyone for support. In times of crisis or stress, I often turned inward, away from others. I didn’t want anyone to know I was struggling. If I did, what would they think of me?


This only worsened as I grew older. As I took on more and more (full-time job and full-time grad school simultaneously while coming out of the closet) I became more and more depleted. For years, I just kept piling things on without taking anything away. I felt that if I wasn’t fully present, all of the time, then I wasn’t working hard enough. Taking a breath meant something bad. It meant I was weak.


Years later, my family struggled with some major health issues. I loved the way we rallied around those we loved but saw how exhausted everyone became by being in the hospital all of the time. No one was caring for themselves.


That’s when I went back to Mr. Binger, my college choir director. He would always stop us and tell us “Everyone took a breath at the same time. There was a hole in the sound.” What I learned is that it’s ok to back away for a moment. It’s ok to take a breath. We learned to connect with those around us. We learned to listen. When I heard the person next to me take their breath, I knew to keep going. And when their voice returned, I knew it was ok for me to take my pause.


My family took that advice to heart. We recognized that it was ok to step back and take a break. We would be stronger and better when we returned. We had to care for ourselves to care for the people we loved the most.


This is how teams should work. This is how families should work. This is how social justice activism should work. We should recognize that we can’t keep singing all the time. We need to step back. It doesn’t mean that there will be a hole in the sound. It doesn't mean we need to feel guilty. The note will be sustained, and so will we.


Take your breath. And reenter the song when your voice is ready. ❤️

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