The Thriving Goldfish

Have you ever met anyone who did not like Ted Lasso?

I haven’t yet, although after writing this, I imagine I will receive my fair share of pushback. Ted’s humorous and witty bits of wisdom entangled in sincere kindness make the show one of my favorites. Ted Lasso shaped my outlook on life with one small piece of advice he offered Sam.

I’ve had several people in my life throughout the years, tell me that I needed to grow a thicker skin. This feedback always rubbed me the wrong way. Situations at work or home would come up, I would share my associated feelings with a trusted human. At times, I was told to not be so sensitive and toughen up as I worked through my angst. But, what’s wrong with being sensitive? Honestly, I see it as a strength being in tune with others.

In the show, Ted tells Sam to be like a goldfish, acknowledge his feelings, allow himself space to really experience them, and then when he is ready, wait ten seconds, and move forward. His recommendation gave me pause. Without a doubt Ted did not invalidate Sam‘s feelings. No, in fact, he very much acknowledged them. But instead he challenged Sam to recognize his feelings and move forward once he was ready.

I would like to take Ted’s advice one step further. What if Sam asked himself how much time and energy should be spent on the feelings surrounding the situation before becoming a gosh-darn goldfish? Could the revised question empower Sam to determine how much energy the situation deserved?

As an anxious goldfish myself, I decided to trial this idea. I have found that more often than not, when I step back and process whether some situation is really worth my time and energy, I find myself answering no. I would rather spend my time and energy on something else more productive, meaningful, and pleasurable.

When I go through the process, I feel a profound sense of control. I get to decide how much I pour into a toxic situation. I get to choose how much space it takes up in my core.

If the answer is yes, this deserves my time, then let’s dive in head first with curiosity. Sometimes dilemmas are worth a full exploration.

Yet, many of us hold on to feelings longer than we should, especially if it’s anxiety or anger. But let’s start asking ourselves if the situation and associated feelings warrant our limited time and energy. We don’t need to have thick skin and ignore situations or our feelings. Instead of growing a thicker skin, let’s take control of how we spend our minutes and hours, where we encourage our feelings to grow and extinguish unworthy circumstances.

But we might want to decide to be a thriving goldfish, acknowledge and honor our feelings and ten seconds later swim on to warmer waters.