Life Isn’t Just About the ABCs and SATs

Isn’t it interesting that despite our best efforts we often replicate both our cherished and despised family cultures? My incredibly loving and well-intentioned paternal grandmother would ask me all the time what I wanted to be when I grew up. I loathed the question, whether I was five, eighteen or thirty-two years old. The pressure I felt! I still feel it intensely reverberating in my chest. If my goals weren’t high enough, what would she think? If I didn’t meet those goals, what did that say about me? Was I smart? Was I capable? To this moment, I wonder if I can answer her question.

Despite this vivid memory, I asked my five-year-old daughter this week what she wanted to be when she grows up. I cringed as soon as I said it with all the parental self-doubt. How would this make her feel?

Immediately I tensed with regret. My muscles seized in anticipation of what family norm I replicated. True to her personality, she answered, “To be happy.” Let that sink in, my daughter wants to be happy.

Working in a high school for ten years and being a parent of two has allowed me to see all types of young people. Too often youth get the message that the only way to thrive is through grades, the right college acceptances, and the perfect job. Success becomes defined by a number, a credential, a salary, and then that ideal isn’t grand enough. They think aren’t seen as accomplished, and I witness them internalize this demon mindset. I have felt these toxic ideals myself. Those ideas fester and attach to unhealthy thoughts.

As I pause and think about my own strengths, how I am smart, and capable, I realize I can finally answer my grandmother’s question. I want to be happy too. You know what, I am happy…and just like that, I feel the positive emotions flood my soul like a rush of true success. I am breaking a family, maybe even cultural, norm.

Let’s listen to my five-year-old daughter for a moment. Let’s strive to be happy, whatever that means to you. Let’s aim to channel our energy into positive steps forward towards a flourishing life. Let’s rethink success, what it means to be smart, and capitalize on our strengths.

There are countless ways to be smart, accomplished, and flourishing. All the Ways to be Smart by Davina Bell acknowledges the strengths in all of us. Let’s cherish them, nourish them, and celebrate all the ways we can be successful that are not attached to stereotypical relentlessly unattainable goals.

For me it comes down to this, life isn’t just about the ABCs and SATs.

Now let’s go tell the kids.